- What or who inspired you to be brave and talk about what you were feeling and your sexuality? How has what you experienced been able to help you treat your patients?
Feeling confident enough as a person and professional to believe I wouldn’t face discrimination in a way that I couldn’t defend myself. My own experience has allowed me to support my patients in their own struggle to be their authentic selves.
- What were some of the obstacles & fears that you faced?
I feared being thought of as mentally ill and unfit to be a psychologist. This was back in the 80’s and 90’s where there was much that was different. The obstacles then and now are the many people who believe that homosexuality is a sin and that gay people are pedophiles.
- What specific resources do you encourage parents to look into when their child has or suspect will come out to them about being gay or wanting to transition?
I always turn to books. There are many that explore issues related to having an LGBTQ+ child. There are also podcasts and you tube videos that explore the issue in general and specifically related to parents.
- Please explain the difference it makes in a child’s life when they have a positive support group when coming out? What are the long lasting effects on the child when there is rejection?
Positive support is extremely important. It can help sustain or enhance the child’s self-esteem and decrease their sense of isolation. Rejection can lead to a poor self-image. If there are no positive voices than anxiety and/or depression can develop.
- How would you describe to a parent the trauma & or struggles that a child is faced with when coming out and is rejected?
I would discuss the fear, shame and anxiety that can accompany the process of coming out. Rejection can consolidate this fear as it becomes a reality and increase the anxiety that is experienced.
- What life situation can you compare or try to explain to an adult to better understand their child’s position when coming out? This way they can see it from a different perspective.
I would ask them to think of a secret (we all have secrets) they may have had and if that secret brought them a sense of shame. How did they feel about revealing that secret?
- What would you say are the most common fears in the kids that you council about sharing their story with their peers? Are they more hesitant to share with their peers or their parents?
Kids generally have more ease disclosing to peers than parents. I usually suggest they choose the peers with whom they are closest and have some sense of their acceptance. The parental approval is very different from peer related approval. For many children of this current generation, their peers are more tolerant than the adults in their lives, therefore hesitancy regarding disclosure.
- If a child is ready to share their decision with others (family or peers) what are some of the things you recommend to make that a less scary experience?
Once again, choose the people with whom there is the greatest connection and ease of being. Also, those who may share and/or be sympathetic to their values and world view.
- How are you managing the need for your services in this current climate? (The need is far greater than there are clinicians to treat patients.)
I’m working hard, but also making sure I don’t allow myself to get too over-worked or overwhelmed.
- What would you say is the most common complaint of your current patients in regard to the pandemic? (isolation, loss of family and friends, work or job related issues, alcoholism or drug abuse.)
Many people complained of the endless time spent in front of the computer. For many, school became more tedious. For those who were employed there were ways in which the change was both easier and harder. There was isolation, but a certain satisfaction in making one’s own schedule. For almost all there was upset regarding the loss of connection with family and friends. There was also an increase in both drug and alcohol use.
- What do you think we as a society can do to help mitigate the mental health crisis that the pandemic has caused?
Good question. I think access to mental health care is a necessity, not just because of the pandemic, but in general. Mandating that all insurance companies provide mental health services with a reasonable deductible and co-pay would go a long way to insure a healthier population.